All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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