I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
