bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
