well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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