Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
