a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
