it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
