her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
