Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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