I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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