im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
