I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
