I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
