im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
