Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I need help removing her.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
