mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
