I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
