Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize