I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
