i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
