Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
