god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
