plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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