There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Someone shattered a urinal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
