Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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