I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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