You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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