i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
