oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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