real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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