Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize