That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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