3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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