My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
