No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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