Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
