if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
