Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
