thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
