I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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