Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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