I'm going to jail i love you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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