I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
