I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
