u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
