wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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