If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
