The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
false alarm. still invincible.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
