Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
