he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He has the fingertips of a God
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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