so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
