The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
