My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
