i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize