I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
