Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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