Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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