your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
