last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
