Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
