I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize