Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
