Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
