Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think your dad took our porno
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
