Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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