so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
