I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
