It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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